8 Ways to Turn on a Woman With Minimal Effort 

8 Ways to Turn on a Woman With Minimal Effort 

You may not believe this but it doesn’t take much to turn on a woman. No really. So, stop trying to rack your brain to understand woman on how to get them in the mood. 

Here are 8 ways to turn on a woman with minimal effort:

Cook dinner.  Seriously, throw on an apron, chop up some veggies, sear some meats and turn up the heat in the kitchen and in the bedroom. Here are 25 dinners that you can’t mess up. 

Make coffee.  You don’t even have to bring it to her, but simply set it the night before and have it ready to slurp in the morning. 

Get along with and pretend you like her pet.  Even if you hate cats or happen to be allergic to them, pop some Claritin and snuggle up with “Whiskers” even if he/she wants to claw your eyes out. A little love for her pet means a lot of love in the bedroom. 

Don’t ask or expect recipricol oral pleasure.  Sometimes you have to take one for the team and this is especially true for oral sex which will lead to more sex. 

Clean up.   A little goes a long way when it comes to cleaning up. You don’t have to scrub every surface but pick up some socks, drop the toilet seat (give it a quick scrub if you can) and remove any dishes in the sink. A woman that comes home to a clean apartment will practically jump your bones before you have a chance to take off those dirty socks before you drop them on the floor again. Here’s another reason why you should be doing the dishes.

Unexpected affection.  A quick kiss on the neck while her back is to you or cradled hug or sliding her legs onto your lap while watching TV will lead to a Netflix and Chill night. Here are 8 movies that will get her in the mood for sex.

Give her a massage.   Take your time, slow down and don’t rush. We are talking a real massage that lasts at least 3 minutes. Avoid the temptation to hurry up, press a few shoulder muscles and expect to roll over and go at it. 

Grooming.   You may be tempted to slip into your sweats and take a comfortable position on the couch watching sports. Take a quick shower and invest in some decent-smelling body washes that will drive her crazy. Here are 4 of the best selling body wash scents for men that women like. 

7 Strange and Fun Facts About Sperm

7 Strange and Fun Facts About Sperm

Sperm has earned many, many, many nicknames: spooge, man juice, baby batter…just to name a few. However, sperm gets more credit than it deserves when sperm is lumped in with semen. Here are seven strange and fun facts about sperm. 

  1. Turns out, it’s not exactly the same as sperm. Sperm makes up a very small amount of man juice—only a mere 5-10 percent. The rest is the semen and since semen is nutrient-charged it also helps propel sperm into the uterine stratosphere. Think of semen as sperm’s wingman. 

2.   Every guy at one point or another has measured the size of his penis. I’ve done it even in my late 20s..ok, recently. You may think your penis or rather testicles packs a big load, but the average full ejaculation is only a teaspoon…NOT a tablespoon. Feel free to grab a teaspoon to see how you measure up, just wash your hands and the teaspoon when you’re finished. 

3.   Now that you know that sperm can launch its way up into the uterine planet thanks to its wingman, semen, you may want to know how long it can party and stay alive up in there. Hold onto your butts—up to five days! That’s right! Of course, this is dependant on the acidity of your partner’s womb. If the acidity is not ripe for fermentation, than typically it can last between 24 and 48 hours. 

4.   Speaking of strong sperm, no matter how many swimmers you think you have, you will never compare to a bat’s sperm which can live up to…wait for it…145 days. WOW! 

5.   Now that you feel inadequate about your sperm’s lifespan, don’t fret. Men NEVER stop producing sperm. That’s right, guys. Now you know how Richard Gere just had a baby and Charlie Chaplin never stopped even into his 70s. It’s ok to take some pride in that. 

6.  Shitty diet = shitty sperm. You are what you eat when it comes to sperm. The worst diet you have, the worse your sperm can get. Stay hydrated ON WATER, and eat foods rich in antioxidants and other aphrodiasic stimulants such as oysters and dark chocolate. As for the water, the more you drink, the deeper pool they have to swim in. Here are 11 foods that you should be eating right now to boost your stamina. You’re welcome. 

7.   Balls deep just took on a new meaning. Sperm are stored in your scrotum because sperm prefer cooler temps which makes sense since men tend to produce more sperm during the colder, winter months than during the heat of the summer. 

Millennials Not Having Sex Because of Microwaves

Millennials Not Having Sex Because of Microwaves

If you are millennial and not having as much sex as Gen Xers, there’s apparently a reason for that. Several, yes…several studies are floating around that point to a plethora of factors. As a Gen X’er, I have a hard time (no pun intended) understanding how the hell this happened. 

One new study from a millennial researcher named, Jean Twenge blames this lack of sexual drive on having copter parents (see helicopter parents) hovering around millennials their whole lives. Other factors include longer life spans and technology, according to new data from Macquarie Research. 

And it’s not just sex, it’s drugs, drinking and maybe even rock’ n’ roll. Condom sales have plummeted but not because this generation is throwing caution to the wind. No, it’s because they couldn’t be bothered to put down their smartphones and put the moves on a girl. Not helping matters is that most millennials are not only living longer but living with their parents longer. Nothing kills the mood like bringing home a girl from a club with a shared wall between the very people that created you in the same manner. 

Another study released last year claims that it’s the fault of video games. However, I remember a time when I would play Atari till I had blisters on my hand and permanent impressions on my thumbs. And I’m pretty sure I developed the early signs of carpal tunnel syndrome as the direct result of playing Nintendo not when I entered the workforce and needed to ask someone for a freaking perch for my wrist. 

Truth is, maybe we are ALL just evolving into a more instant gratification society. I remember getting pissed off and yelling at the microwave when it took longer than 3 minutes to burn up the processed cheese inside my pepperoni Hot Pockets. Before the microwave, the commitment was a minimum of at least 10 minutes on the stove or in the oven.  

Now apply this idea to dating or trying to get a girl to notice you without a text. It was a shitload of work. Imagine walking up to a girl in the late 80s or early 90s and handing her a Poloraid of yourself with stickers all over it. She would have either done the following: a. act creeped out and start backing away from her locker. b. laugh like hell and show the picture to her friends while they all burst out into snorted giggling. c. ignored it and set it on the shelf of her locker with a shrug. 

Getting a date was never an option. Today? You can snap a photo of yourself on your phone and put cartooned rabbit ears and a nose on it and you just might get laid. You know, cause’ it’s really cute. 

In all honesty, we don’t have the answers as to why this happening. For now, I’ll just keep blaming the microwave.