9 of the Most Fascinating Facts About the Penis 

9 of the Most Fascinating Facts About the Penis 

There are many myths, names and legends surrounding male genitalia. Statues have been erected for thousands of years celebrating well, erections. We’ve dug up the most interesting facts about the penis to impress your partner, friends and just on a need-to-know basis. 

Here are 9 of the most fascinating facts about penises:

1. Slang terms for the penis are nothing new. Since the beginning of time men and women alike have come up with some clever names for male genitalia. In 1732 is was sometimes called, Arbor Vitae which is an evergreen tree and in the 1600s Bald-Pate Friar was a common slang term. In case you were wondering, a bald-pate friar is in reference to the haircut of friars—bald on top with hair on the sides. There is no shortage of terms for the penis in the Hebrew language including our favorite, shofka meaning spout—OY! 

2. Currently,  UrbanDictionary.com lists a whopping 169 slang terms for the penis. The top entries and most common terms include: bald-headed yogurt slinger, one-eye trouser snake, schlong, ding-a-ling, boner, mr. happy, shaft, knob, helmet, baby maker, johnson, pecker and of course, dick. 

3. No matter what you call it, the origin of the word penis is Latin and means tail. In fact, phallus is used to describe the shape of the penis rather than the technical word. 

4. Not to burst your bubble, but extra-large condoms are only used or at least needed by 6% of the ENTIRE world’s population, according to condom makers.

5. You can visit a museum dedicated to the penis if you happen to be in Iceland. Icelandic Phallological Museum is open from 10 to 6pm and is located in the city of Reykjavik. It’s the only museum of its kind and features 215 penises from animals but on land and sea. 

5. Believe it or not, ejaculation is a signal sent from a man’s spinal cord and not his brain or any other organ for that matter. Let that sink in for a minute. 

6. Your penis skin contains over 42 kinds of bacteria. This could explain the reasoning behind being “unclean” or uncircumcised. In fact, circumcised men are at less risk for contracting HIV. 

7. There is an actual mental condition where a man believes his penis is disappearing. The mass hysteria is called, Koro also known as penis panic. 

8. Over 600 men end up in the emergency room due to sex toy injuries to the penis the anus or both. Let this be a lesson to you: follow the directions and take it easy on your penis.

9. Sex is actually good for your health and can add years to your life. In fact, men that reportedly have sex on a regular basis have a lower risk of diabetes, stroke, heart disease and could live further into their golden years. 

 

6 Urinal Etiquette Rules for Guys

6 Urinal Etiquette Rules for Guys

I went to visit a client last week and made a quick pit stop for a piss before heading back to the office. I pushed the door open and glanced at one occupied stall, one open stall and walked directly to the wall of three unoccupied urinals.

I grabbed the urinal farthest away from the guy in the stall that sent me a reminder of his presence with a forced courtesy cough.

Apparently, I really had to pee to the point of enjoyment through the relief of relieving myself until I heard the creak of the door. Like most guys, I did a little prostate push to finish off the job.

In walks this guy who was maybe in his early twenties and looked fairly normal but being in mid-piss I didn’t want to make eye contact. Instead, I used my peripheral vision to make sure he knew the unspoken rules of the men’s room. He didn’t. He not only moved to the middle urinal which was next to me but he made the mistake of attempting to strike up a “how’s the weather” conversation.

In one quick motion and with practiced precision, I zipped up my fly and turned on my heels to the sink behind me. You know, thinking that he would stop talking to me after I forced out a mumble agreeing with how cold it was this morning and how it might get warmer later. All I knew is that it was getting too damn hot and uncomfortable in that cramped space. Halfway during my cajoling about the mood of the barometer, the occupant of stall number one let out another gurgle which signaled my expected exit. I’m not sure if my friendly urinal mate picked up on that cue—I was too busy getting the hell out of there.

This annoying experience made me think that I need to talk about today’s urinal rules for guys. Some of these rules should be obvious and some are new rules based on technology.

Rule 1.  If another urinal is available, make sure it’s not next to an occupied one.

Rule 2.  No striking up a conversation with a stranger at the urinal even you’re separated by an unoccupied one. Think of it as the elevator and step back and stay quiet until you know it’s ok. 

Rule 3.  No texting or talking on your phone while taking a pee. It’s not o.k.

Rule 4.  Don’t spend 30 seconds “shaking the dew off the lily.” Any length of time longer than 5 seconds turns into another favorite activity you do alone. 

Rule 5. The urinal is not a trash can.  I don’t want to see you hock up a loogie, spit out your gum or even chewing tobacco. And even if I don’t see you do it, I don’t want to look down to see it sitting on top of a urinal cake.

Rule 6.  WASH YOUR HANDS. I’ve been known to call out restaurant employees that try to bolt out the door without hitting the sink first. I don’t think I have to explain this one. WASH YOUR HANDS.

Did I miss any?

Four Masturbation Mistakes Every Guy Needs to Avoid

Four Masturbation Mistakes Every Guy Needs to Avoid

Masturbation is good for your health according to several studies. However, most guys have been known to take it a bit too far. And yes, there is such thing as too much of a good thing.

For instance, the 55-year-old moron that allegedly dropped his pajama bottoms and decided chafe the carrot during a half-marathon race in Emerson, New Jersey last week. Reportedly, he was not a runner or participating in the race which would have been much healthier and not ended in an arrest. 

Clearly, that mistake is a very obvious one: masturbation needs to happen in privacy and with consenting adults if they are willing participants.  

In all seriousness, here are four things that you should not try at home or at all when masturbating:

Behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. Sure, it’s a long road trip and you are tired and that urge just kinda creeps up on you. What happens when you have to stop suddenly to avoid hitting another driver or a squirrel? Well, according to a study conducted by the Canadian Urological Association Journal, you can actually break your penis. And if it’s an actual accident, you might even snap it off. 

Don’t choke your chicken. Wanking behind the wheel is not the only way to break your penis. That’s right, squeezing can lead snap your willy. No one wants to show up in the emergency room and be officially diagnosed with a penile fracture. So yeah, the wrong stroke and too much compression will and can cause a rupture. 

Too much of a good thing. One twenty-something dude found himself in the emergency room suffering from a nasty infection from masturbating so much that he opened up fissures on his shaft. Some nasty bacteria found its way into those cuts and this poor bastard ended up with skin grafts on his penis. True story.

Keep your penis out of receptacles. We’re not talking about an electrical socket (although, I’m sure that’s been tried) but other urban legends that are actually true. Remember hearing about the guy that got his penis stuck in the pool? No shit, that has actually happened. Ask any ER nurse and I’m sure they have many more stories to tell. You could do serious damage to your urethra by trying to cram your penis into say….the opening of a water bottle. Yeah, that has happened too. 

These stories and masturbation advice would not exist if it not for the dip shits that made the above mistakes possible. Take heed and learn from their pain.