4 Basic Manscaping Tips Every Guy Should Know

4 Basic Manscaping Tips Every Guy Should Know

If you haven’t googled “pineapple penis” I’ll save you the trouble. It’s the latest manscaping trend and basically involves shaving all the hair off the base of your penis and letting it grow until it gets prickly like a pineapple. Not sure why this is a thing. Personally speaking, that phase of growth is pretty uncomfortable and leads to lots of ball scratching and adjusting of my junk.

If a pineapple penis is not your thing, you still should manscape mostly because women appreciate it more which leads to more sex. 

For those of you new to manscaping or those that are not sure they were ever doing it right here are 4 basic tips to scape your junk. 

Tip 1:  Don’t use products that would cause red bumps, itching, or anything else that would lead to the kind of itching associated with crabs or an STD. For instance, don’t use the shaving cream you would use on your face to shave your shaft. Avoid mineral oil, heavy scents, and “cooling” or “soothing” products which contain eucalyptus and could burn. 

Tip 2. Exfoliating goes a long way in preventing some nasty-ass in-grown hairs. Just like your face, you will want to open up your pores with steam or warm water. The easiest and best way is to just do it while you are in the shower. Just make sure you are not using regular body soap and an exfoliating soap that contains volcanic lava rock. 

Tip 3:  Don’t be tempted to use the same razor that you use on your face. DON’T DO IT.  For the sake of safety, use an electric shaver and clean and maintain the blades properly.  After all, ball hair is a different kind of hair than facial hair. Plus, there is a bacteria issue. Check out the manscaped set that comes with an electric razor and deodorant for your balls.

Tip 4:  There is no shortage of videos out there that show you the proper technique for getting and maintaining the most desirable manscape design. Take the time to watch these videos and follow them before trying it first. I mean…you don’t want to end up with cactus penis nevermind a pineapple one. Here’s a video to get you started.

There is no wrong way as far as how you want to design, fluff or trim your pubic hair just don’t be in a hurry and follow the above basic tips. 

Can You Spot a Fake Luxury Watch? How to Not Get Ripped Off 

 

Can You Spot a Fake Luxury Watch? How to Not Get Ripped Off 

When I first moved to NYC in the late 1990s I bought my first counterfeit Rolex from a guy selling them on a blanket on the street and around the corner from my apartment in the Village. 

It stopped working within two weeks of purchasing it for a mere twenty bucks but then again, I also knew it was a fake. Back then, I was a student and partying hard with barely enough money to afford my rent in Manhattan nevermind a designer watch that was real.

Today, I have a few watches that are real but under the $300-dollar mark and after carving out some success in my work life it’s time to take it to the next level. I’m a bit of a bargain hunter and I want to track down a good deal but not get suckered into buying a hunk of crap or as Donnie Brasco would put it, a fugazi. 

In my quest to score a good deal on a luxury watch, I am passing along some tips on not getting ripped off and purchasing a fugazi.  

Weigh in.  Fake watches tend to weigh less than real ones so if the watch feels a bit light let that be the first warning. 

Movement.  Look at the way the hands move on the watch? This is one of the most important and telling signs. The better it’s built the smoother the movement will be. 

Spelling errors. Many counterfeit watches are made in other countries where English may not be widely spoken and even the brand of the watch might be misspelled. 

Know your brand.  Focus on the brand of watch that you want and learn everything that you can about it before tracking down a deal. Each luxury watch brand has its own signature style that is not meant to mimic even other luxury brands. The more you learn about the brand of watch that you want the more informed you will be. For instance, the weight and color and movement will vary between a Breitling and an OMEGA.

Now that you know which wristwatch you want and how to score a deal without wearing a fugazi here is a guide to what NOT to wear that is a turn off to women.

Twitter Reacts to the Gillette Ad Proving That the Commercial is a Hairy Topic

Twitter Reacts to the Gillette Ad Proving That the Commerical is a Hairy Topic
Guys are no fans of new Gillette commercial

I woke up this morning the same way that I usually do: take a piss, follow the smell of coffee and flip on the local news. 

Some talking head was going on and on about Gillette and a controversial commercial that apparently had the opposite intended impact. Apparently, Gillette thought it was a good idea to create an ad highlighting how men should behave. I could have told them this was a big mistake and that I am pretty sure they should have had a bit more focus groups take a look at the #metoo message before releasing it to the world.

To say the reaction was mixed and downright hairy would be an understatement. After watching it, I get why so many guys are pissed off. And here’s why: it makes the assumption that we are all a bunch of dicks that overlook shitty behavior that our bros or buddies engage in. Which is not true. At least not for me and the people that I surround myself with. 

So, I get why most guys are pissed but make no mistake: the reaction and rage from guys is not a good look either. To prove my point, I’ve broken down the craziest reactions and tweets on Twitter from both sides of the argument. Personally, I don’t use Gillette razors because they cost more than my truck payment. That being said, if I did, I wouldn’t continue to punish myself by not using them either. 

What do you think of the Gillette commercial and these tweets?

 

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4 Best Smelling Body Wash Scents for Men that Women Like 

4 Best Smelling Body Wash Scents for Men that Women Like 

As a guy in my thirties I have a go-to for body washes based on scents that work best with my chemistry and pheromones. Or at least that’s what I like to tell myself. Ulitimately, it’s more about what my partner prefers that gets them sexually charged than what I think I smell like. 

Which led to the ulitmate question: which body wash scents make you more attractive to women?

Based on copius amounts of feedback, I’ve compiled a list of the best body wash scents that you should get busy buying right now to get busy. 

ManCave Natural Cedarwood Shower Gel—Loaded with tea tree, and black pepper oil it’s perfect for guys that suffer from breakouts and other bullshit related to sensitive skin. It’s also free of other crap such as parabens, synthetic dyes (cue skin sensitivity issues) and petrochemiclas. Also, no amimals were part of the testing so that’s a great talking point if you happen to get a compliment on its cedarwood fragrance. Plus, it helps hydrate skin and makes you smell like the mountain main you have always dremed of emulating.

Old Spice Denali Body Wash—Old Spice has been around awhile and to lose its stigma attached to the yesteryear of grandpas splashing it on before church, they have really stepped up their game and scents over the last decade or so. Consider the commericals with the guy sitting on a white horse hawking scents with names like Wolfthorn, Steel Courage, Swagger and even Bearglove. However, the most appealing scent is one called, Denali. Don’t believe me? It’s the scent that is most-often missing from shelves due to its popularity. What’s the best about this body wash is that it still holds that safe and nostalgic scent of yesteryear without going to creepville and still smelling youthful instead of like a grandpa from the 1970s. 

Hollister Jake—Speaking of youth, this scent is right in step with the cedarwood shower gel scent meaning that it still encompasses the scent of youth without smelling like you’re too young to be DTF and know what you are doing. Hollister is typically in step with surfing and a more “free” lifestyle which is a nice touch when you are trying to sell your date or partner on spontaneous sex. Oh, and feel free to exaggerate your time as a kite surfer. 

Nivea Men Energy–  What is it with Nivea and men’s products? Well, beause they are awesome and they have come a long way since the company shifted from focusing on womens and its namesake which was a combo of the latin words, nix, or nivis—meaning, “snow white.” Today, its line of products cater to guys that want smooth, clean skin and a scent to match which is why women like the men’s care line as well. 

Naked Man is Not the Only Guy to Test Planet Fitness’ No Judgements Slogan 

Naked Man is Not the Only Guy to Test Planet Fitness’ No Judgements Slogan

The one and only time I walked into a Planet Fitness was during a visit to Florida to see my dad during a work trip. I normally like to go for a run outside and then hit the weights inside but it was in the middle of August and I overslept past 6 am which means temps and humidity had already skyrocketed by 7 am. 

My dad (who has long been divorced from my mom) is not the most fit man but in his early 70s he knows that cardio is good for his sex life and invited me to hit the gym where the A/C and music is turned all the way up. 

His Planet Fitness is not unlike most across the U.S-located in a long winding strip mall front and center surrounded by commercial retailers like TJ Maxx. The same signature yellow and purple colors popping out like a cheap leisure suit. 

However, inside it’s a geriatric hotspot and the place to be seen if you are a retiree and DTF.  In the corner is a smoothie bar where a couple of baby boomer hotties (my dad’s description not mine) mingle in activewear and makeup.

Nearby on treadmills in the most coveted section of the gym two women in their 70s walk on the treadmill and complain about the condo association board and their ideas for punishment for people that don’t pick up dog poop in the common areas. 

My dad is quick to introduce me to the geriatric hotties as “my son who never visits” and after a quick meet and greet, I bee-line it for a section of treadmills farthest away from where Fox News and CNN blare commentary on competing televisions.

I jump up on a treadmill in a darkened corner of the room and get ready to plug into my workout and headphones. Scanning the area, I see the same people that I have seen in every gym. In the weight room, and where my people are, a guy with a Burt Reynolds stash is giving it hell on his biceps. Not far from him is what appears to be his lady friend with the ass of a twenty-year-old. These are the gym rats of yesteryear and today. Unfortunately, they still love a savage tan so their skin is not on par with their physique. 

Across the room, a group of “regulars” mingle around unoccupied elliptical machines and complain of sciatica and other ailments. They are serious about the gym but getting in a workout is second to socializing. These would be my dad’s people but he does insist on spending at least 20 minutes on the recumbent bike and sometimes he breaks a sweat. 

I stick out like a sore thumb due to my age and I feel an unspoken resentment and might have heard the murmurs if I had taken the time to turn down my music. The truth is, there is no such thing as a “no judgements” gym no matter the age of patrons or the gym.

There are still the same regulars that are there to mingle, the same assholes lay claim to their treadmill in front of the TV, the gym rats police the amount of time on equipment and the hotties still show up  in full makeup and perfectly-coordinated workout clothes. 

Instead of stripping down to your birthday suit (like the guy that was recently arrested for doing naked yoga at a Planet Fitness), stop sweating being judged at the gym—who cares, you’re there to look great naked. At home. In the bedroom.

Check out our blog on gym etiquette tips. 

 

If you Drink Bottled Water You Are Also Drinking Microplastics

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I just found out this week that all those bottles of water that I’ve been buying by the case and grabbing before hitting the gym are filled with some bad shit.

A study released this week showed that microplastics are present in 93 percent of the most popular brands of bottled water. Basically, it’s the unknown of what consuming microplastics will do to your body or what amount is harmful. NOAA points to health and beauty products as the culprit.

Either way, it’s better to be safe than sorry and you wouldn’t want to find out that these little bastards measuring 0.2 inches long would interfere with your sexual stamina and overall health. 

Now would be a good time to switch to a good sports bottle for guys. Here’s a few of the best ones on the market that won’t make you look like you are performing fallecio or have a pattern of daisies.

Hydro Flask Water Bottles—These bottles are aluminum-based so your water will stay cool and they come in a variety of manly/earthly colors and have a wide mouth so you can swig your water not gently sip it.

MiiR Wide Mouth Bottles—Points for color, a wide mouth and its vacuum insulation means you will not be drinking warm water. In fact, MiiR boasts that liquids stay hot or cool for 24 hours or more. The overall design is sleek and doesn’t leak.

Hydracy Fruit Infuser Water Bottle—We’ve talked about the benefits of eating fruit for better sexual performance. With this water bottle, you can continue to eat your fruit with your water thanks to a handy diffuser in the center.

Summer Beard Style Guide for Men 2017

Summer Beard Style Guide for Men 2017
A full beard

After my seventy-seventh bout with adult acne (can’t believe I still get this shit) I decided to try on some facial hair. This presented some interesting challenges. First off, I’m past the millennial demographic and could end up looking like a douchebag instead of a hipster. Second, it’s summer so it’s hot as hell outside and beard sweat is not something else I feel like fighting. And ‘C’, I can’t even grow a healthy pornstache never mind a beard.

Here is what I learned about growing the right facial hair.

Summer Beard Styles for GuysStep 1.      Depending on your how hairy you are, go ahead and hang up the razor. You’ll save some money on blades and you will have a good base for your next step.

Step 2.      Apparently, you need to know the shape of your face to determine what type of beard to grow. Thankfully, there are a ton of different styles of beards. Ones that look like Van Gogh, Freud, and modern-day magicians like David Blaine.

Step 3.     Consult your local barber or hair stylist to help you pick the right one to frame your face. I shit you not, there are at least 15 different types of beard styles for 2017 alone. Basically, they still look like Freud and Van Gogh but have been assigned different names. For instance, there is the Balbo recently made popular by Robert Downey Jr. that works best for men with a narrow chin. If you have a rounded face the Circle Beard is the best bet. It’s basically a combo of a goatee and a mustache. 

Step 4.     Consult your girlfriend, wife or your regular hookup. After all, you still want to get laid. In the end, and given my limited growth potential, I went for the Full Beard and the most popular beard style for men. It’s also the easiest to grow and with some minor grooming and oil has minimal irritation for you and your girl.

Scientists Working on Probiotic Beer

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The term “beer gut” is about to take on a new meaning. Well, in a good way if Japanese scientists can make it happen. Currently, a team of researchers at the National University of Singapore (NUS) are developing a brew that will contain probiotics.

You may have heard of probiotics in those annoying commercials with women spooning down yogurt because they are either constipated, have diarrhea or both. Turns out, probiotics do have plenty of benefits for your stomach.

If successful this new beer will contain Lactobacillus paracasei L26 or basically a strain of bacteria first found in the intestines of humans and is known to boost the immune system and break down viruses and toxins.

Remember that yogurt mentioned earlier? The idea for a probiotic was born from a probiotic dairy product that student and researcher Chan Mei Zhi Alcine drank every day. While putting probiotics into beer is a genius idea it comes with challenges. For starters, cultures and bacteria naturally occur and grow in dairy. Beer, on the other hand, contains acids from hops that pretty much prevent an environment where probiotics can thrive and grow.

In fact, it took Ms. Chan around the same time as a full-term pregnancy to birth the right balance for this recipe. The beer will take around a month to make and is expected to have a sour and tart taste with just a 3.5 percent alcohol level.

Currently, there is a patent pending on this beer and if you’re goaded you can finally claim that this beer is actually good for you. No word yet on when vitamin beer will be in the works.

11 Books Every Man Needs to Read

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We’ve scoured Amazon, a few local libraries, and a book club in the burbs for the most introspective books and novels for guys. Or at least 11 novels that every guy needs on their bookshelf. No Sparks or Steele will fly on this list.

  1. The Art of War, by Sun Tzu—This book dates back to 514 B.C. but is chock full of advice that can be applied to today in the workplace or even on a date.

2. A Man in Full, by Tom Wolfe—Imagine a man at the top of his game. He has it all with the exception of character and depth. The lack of both causes him to look inside himself for his own place and worth in this world. 

3. The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde—A good looking guy that is anything but good, hangs onto his youth through a secret stored in an attic.

4. Life of Pi, by Yann Martel—A young boy’s life gets turned upside down after he survives a shipwreck and his only companion is a Bengal tiger.

5. Ulysses, by James Joyce—Sex, miscreant roommates and a story that moves at the same pace of the film, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

6. When You Are Engulfed in Flames, by David Sedaris—Think your childhood was screwed up? Think again. Thankfully, Sedaris has always tossed aside rose-colored lenses and replaced them with humor.

7. Moby Dick, by Herman Melville—A seasoned seaman searches the ocean in pursuit of a large beast named, Moby Dick. This was a time when whale blubber and carcasses were quite valuable and were used for tools, soaps and candles.

8. The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand—This story centers around a man of true talent and character and a “sell-out.” There is quite a bit of depth to the story even on the surface.

9. The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemmingway—You can’t get more manly than the author and legend of this classic novel. Hemmingway captures the very soul of an aging fisherman that is laughed at by locals and in many ways is viewed as unlucky. Against all odds, he sets out to prove that he still worthy.

10. The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald—Jay Gatsby is a self-made millionaire throwing the most lavish parties for those of means during the golden era of jazz. But being a part of the rich and elite comes at a heavy price.

11. Jaws, by Peter Benchley—The movie was great but the book goes into more depth (no pun intended) about each character’s past and even a very sordid affair between Brody’s wife and a main character in the story that is not Chief Brody. Cue the cello!