Millennials Not Having Sex Because of Microwaves

Millennials Not Having Sex Because of Microwaves

If you are millennial and not having as much sex as Gen Xers, there’s apparently a reason for that. Several, yes…several studies are floating around that point to a plethora of factors. As a Gen X’er, I have a hard time (no pun intended) understanding how the hell this happened. 

One new study from a millennial researcher named, Jean Twenge blames this lack of sexual drive on having copter parents (see helicopter parents) hovering around millennials their whole lives. Other factors include longer life spans and technology, according to new data from Macquarie Research. 

And it’s not just sex, it’s drugs, drinking and maybe even rock’ n’ roll. Condom sales have plummeted but not because this generation is throwing caution to the wind. No, it’s because they couldn’t be bothered to put down their smartphones and put the moves on a girl. Not helping matters is that most millennials are not only living longer but living with their parents longer. Nothing kills the mood like bringing home a girl from a club with a shared wall between the very people that created you in the same manner. 

Another study released last year claims that it’s the fault of video games. However, I remember a time when I would play Atari till I had blisters on my hand and permanent impressions on my thumbs. And I’m pretty sure I developed the early signs of carpal tunnel syndrome as the direct result of playing Nintendo not when I entered the workforce and needed to ask someone for a freaking perch for my wrist. 

Truth is, maybe we are ALL just evolving into a more instant gratification society. I remember getting pissed off and yelling at the microwave when it took longer than 3 minutes to burn up the processed cheese inside my pepperoni Hot Pockets. Before the microwave, the commitment was a minimum of at least 10 minutes on the stove or in the oven.  

Now apply this idea to dating or trying to get a girl to notice you without a text. It was a shitload of work. Imagine walking up to a girl in the late 80s or early 90s and handing her a Poloraid of yourself with stickers all over it. She would have either done the following: a. act creeped out and start backing away from her locker. b. laugh like hell and show the picture to her friends while they all burst out into snorted giggling. c. ignored it and set it on the shelf of her locker with a shrug. 

Getting a date was never an option. Today? You can snap a photo of yourself on your phone and put cartooned rabbit ears and a nose on it and you just might get laid. You know, cause’ it’s really cute. 

In all honesty, we don’t have the answers as to why this happening. For now, I’ll just keep blaming the microwave. 

Forget the Flowers Make Mom a Cocktail this Mother’s Day

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Whether you’re celebrating mom, grandma or your spouse, chances are the women in your life are overdue for a good, stiff drink.

Bahama Mama–     A fitting name for a Mother’s Day cocktail, this sweet drink packs a tropical punch. Ingredients: 1/2 ounce rum, 1/2 ounce coconut rum, 1 ounce fresh pineapple juice, one ounce fresh orange juice, 1/2 ounce grenadine and one cup of ice. Mix ingredients, add crushed ice (half-a-cup) lightly shake in a cocktail shaker for around 10-15 seconds and strain and pour over ice and garnish with an orange slice.
Bellini–       This refreshing take on a mimosa is simple with a nice presentation. You will need 4-5 ounces of Prosecco and 2-3 ounces of fresh peach puree’. Pour Prosecco first into a champagne glass, add the fresh peach puree’ to the top of glass and garnish with a slice of fresh peach. Refreshing, easy and sure to bring a smile to her face.
Mimosa–     You can’t get any easier than this drink. 4-5 ounces of champagne, sparkling white wine or processo. Serve in a champagne glass with a splash of freshly-squeezed orange juice (approximately 2-3 ounces).
The Cosmopolitan or “Cosmo”–     This drink has experienced a surge in popularity because of the hit show, Sex and the City. Thankfully, it’s less complicated than the women on the TV series. You will need 1/2 fresh lime juice, 1 ounce cranberry juice, 1/2 ounce Cointreau and 2 ounces citron vodka. Fill your cocktail shaker with ice and all ingredients. Shake for approximately 15-20 seconds and strain over ice into a martini glass. Garnish with a lemon peel but you can simply add a lemon slice.
Rosé Wine Spritzer–     A new twist on an 80s classic drink and outside of cracking open a beer, you can’t get any easier that this cocktail. You will need 4-6 ounces of chilled rosé wine. This is not to be confused with white zinfadel. Add a splash or approximately 2 ounces of ice cold seltzer water and garnish with a slice of lime. Simply serve in a chilled wine glass.
Too much work? Can’t track down a glass or booze in the house? Here is a link for an app called Ibotta offering free mimosas on Mother’s Day.
Cheers!  Happy Mother’s Day! 

9 Unique Mother’s Day Gift Ideas

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Mother’s Day always poses some challenge for guys when it comes to finding the right gift. Relax, we’ve compiled a list of unique gift ideas that look like you spent hours picking them out for wife, mom, mother-in-law or even grandma! And best of all, you can do your shopping in your boxer shorts from the sofa while watching a ball game.

Personalized Yankee Candles.  Choose a candle style, scent and personalize your label by uploading an image or your own label. 

Shari’s Berries.   These gourmet chocolate-dipped strawberries start at just $19.99 and include dark chocolate, white chocolate, crushed walnuts, pink sugar and chocolate chips. 

Wine of the Month.  Forget jelly, vino is the gift that keeps on giving. Surprise her every month with new red or white. Choose from three different types of memberships. You can’t go wrong with this gift. 

Spa Day.  Massage Envy offers gift card deals for moms including a 60-minute facial or massage.  Plus, they have locations throughout the U.S so you can have mom covered no matter where she lives. 

Custom Jewelry.   Choose from precious metals, birthstones and necklaces that can be engraved with her name or the names of her children. 

Garden Tool Basket.   Got a gardener in your family? Mom will love the Agrarian Tool Basket from Williams Sonoma. Includes a wicker basket for picking flowers or veggies and lots of places to store and organize gardening tools. 

Flowers.  You can’t go wrong with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Save time calling local florists and order online at Bloomthat.com

Custom Wall Art.   Choose from slate signs and plaques and upload images or your family name onto customizable wall art. 

Monogrammed Plus Bathrobes.  Now mom can enjoy all the comforts of the spa at home with these plus bathrobes that offer luxury and free monogramming. 

How to Order Wine Like a Boss

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You don’t have to be a world-class wine expert to choose an impressive bottle of vino. In fact, a high-end restaurant will have a sommelier on staff to help you navigate the wine list. However, today’s servers are well-versed enough on the topic of wine, beer and spirits so you can ask them for their recommendation as well.

Before you can ask for some guidance you need to know the answers to the following questions:

-Red of White?  This answer will typically depend on your mood or even weather. Typically, in warmer weather a light pinot is in order. Or maybe you just never found a white wine that you like. Either way, this question should be answered before asking for suggestions.

-What are your preferences?  This question is the most telling. Basically, they are asking if you like light, medium or full-bodied wines. Your red wines will typically be heavy or full-bodied such as Cabernet, Zinfandel or Syrah. On the white wine side, your Chardonnays are known to be on the heavier side. If you are looking for a lighter white wine order a Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon blanc or Riesling (fyi, riesling tends to be sweet). On the red side you could go with a Pinot Noir or Tempranillo.

-What do you like to drink at home?  Again, this is just a way for them to get a feel for what you typically enjoy on any given day. Don’t panic, just revert to the second question above and pick your preference.

-What entree will you order?  Wines bring out the flavor in many dishes, so if you are still on the fence let the server or sommelier pick a wine that will compliment what you plan on eating. Fish or chicken are usually complimented by a white wine, while steak or heavy red sauces such as a marinara go well with a red. 

-What’s your price point?  Don’t worry if you look like a cheapskate. There are a plethora of wines that are under the $60 price point that are respected and are the perfect compliment to your meal and evening.

-What wines are you excited about?  Sommeliers and educated servers love sharing their finds. Don’t be afraid to ask what wines they have recently discovered. Not only will they appreciate you relying on their expertise but you will benefit greatly from the elevator pitch that is given to other customers.

Lastly, when in doubt….order Rosé.