Awful Fashion Trends that Women Wish Guys Would Stop Wearing

Awful Fashion Trends that Women Wish Guys Would Stop Wearing 

Sometime last week, I met my girlfriend for a drink after a hellish week at work. We opted to catch up at a local watering hole near the apartment that we share. I was sitting at a four-top table in the crowded bar—fighting off patrons that asked if I was using the empty chair across from me when I realized that the flat-assed women with her back to me was my girlfriend. 

This surprised me because she has a hot ass, and needs little make-up to playup her best features. Normally, she’s rocking jeans, a conservative blouse and some sort of heeled shoe. For some reason she chose to show up in the outfit she wore to work—baggy jeans that she later explained were called ‘boyfriend” jeans and short boots that made her feet look like she was still wearing the shoebox. 

I’m not a dumbass so I tiptoed around the question I really wanted to ask which was, “what the hell are you wearing?” Instead, I went with my go-to question when I want to avoid any drama—“is that a new outfit?” It’s innocent enough to sidestep the “do I look fat in this” trap and usually follows with an explanation about where, how much and why she chose the outfit. Seriously, that is the best tip I could give any guy out there. Yeah, you’re welcome. 

While she was going into a ridiculous amount of detail and my mind wandered between whether we were going to have sex later and what I should order, I dodged another drama bullet by asking her if there was anything I should stop wearing. As in, what fashion trends do women hate on guys. 

Her reply might not be scientific, it’s based on some serious feedback during her GNOs. Guys, you may not want to hear this but at least stop wearing the following fashion trends:

Cargo shorts.  I remember cargo anything a few years ago filling most of my closet. And on ocassion, I still reach for that one pair that is perfect for couch sitting and ball scratching. AND according to my girlfriend this is exactly where they should stay—at home for nut scratching. 

Deep v-neck shirts.  I keep a collection of undershirts some with a v-neck but apparently, anything with a deep-v that shows off your chest hair and pecs is a turnoff. Noted and makes sense. You don’t want competing cleavage with your date. 

Shitty flip flops.   I don’t get this one but no-brand crappy, on sale at the pharmacy, flip flops are for emergencies not for regular wear. If you have to wear flip flips opt for brand name, good quality flip flops. And it was also made clear to me that you should trim your toe nails before you dare show off your bare feet. Fair enough. 

Gun-show tank tops.   This look is only sexy at the gym and as seen as a general turn off. However, an exception is always made for The Rock. She then went on to explain that the sexiest way to show off your muscles is in a non-descript t-shirt that hugs your biceps. 

Last but not least, if you are going to wear a baseball cap wear it the way it was intended: with the bill hanging over your eyes not on the back of your head or flipped to the side. Well, unless you are playing baseball. 

What do you think of this list? Is it accurate and do you plan on burning your cargo shorts anytime soon?

Super Badass and Sexy Halloween Costume Ideas for Couples 

Super Badass and Sexy Halloween Costume Ideas for Couples 

It’s early October and Halloween party invites are already flying out. This year, I’m attending a costumed soiree as a plus-one with a girl I’ve been dating for about three months—give or take. Adding to my fear of picking a douchey costume is that this party is at her boss’ house, it’s a charity event and couples are expected to arrive in couples’ costumes. No pressure, right?

I have spent the last 72 hours agonizing over sites such as Party City and eBay  (as instructed by my girl/date) to find the most clever costume. Some of the stupidest and downright dickhead ideas have popped up during my search. 

What guy wants to be a fucking light socket or two sunny-side up eggs? How about walking around as a piece of shit? Yes, there is actually a costume where you can pair up with your partner going as a roll of toilet paper. Thanks for nothing, internet. 

But hey, my loss of time is your gain. I haven’t quite narrowed it down to what we will be wearing, but I can tell you it’s not a bar of soup with my girl going as a loofah. Plus, I do want her to look hot as hell if that’s possible. 

Here’s my super badass list of Halloween costume ideas for couples…you’re welcome. 

—Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio. I’m a huge Yankees fan, so I have zero issue with wearing my favorite ball cap. If you’re not a huge Yankees fan then skip to the other suggestions. 

—James Bond and Bond Girl. Is there anything more badass than James Bond? Black dress pants fitted black jacket and a bowtie. Don’t forget to add a martini glass and 007 badges. Have some fun deciding on her outfit. Bond girls are smokin’. 

—Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash. Nothing easier than donning all black and a guitar. June Carter’s dresses were cute and hot in a girl-next-door sort of way. 

—Hugh Heffner and Playboy Bunny. A tip of a hat to the late Hef and is there anything sexier than a Playboy bunny. Plus you can wear it later for some Cosplay. 

I Dream of Genie and Major Nelson (Master). You wear a blue suit and she rocks a sexy mid-drift carrying around a bottle. 

—Bob Ross and a Happy Little Trees Painting. Blue denim shirt, a palette, brush, wig and a dream. Your girl can go as a tree or cut out a hole in a crappy painting and she can stick her face in the center. 

I’m out of ideas at this point, so feel free to share yours.