Father’s Day Fun: A Collection of the Worst Dad Jokes Ever Told

ather’s Day Fun: A Collection of the Worst Dad Jokes Ever Tol

Dads are celebrated on Father’s Day for the support and love they contribute to their families. But this is not one of these blogs, instead, we are going to celebrate all the eye-rolling, cringe-worthy, groan-inducing bad jokes that every dad thinks is hilarious in spite of the lack of laughter or even the faintest smile cracked. 

Here is a list of the worst dad jokes ever told: 

What does a mountain climber name his son? Cliff. 

What’s brown and sticky? A stick. 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the ocean? Bob. 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs standing in a doorway? Matt. 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs hanging on the wall? Art. 

What are fake noodles called? Impasta. 

How many oranges grow on trees? All of them. 

See that graveyard over there? People are DYING to get in there. 

Why do blondes stare at orange juice? Because the carton said, concentrate. 

How can you tell if a blonde has been sitting at your computer? There is white-out on the screen. 

What brand of shoes to thieves prefer? Sneakers. 

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, why the long face?

A ham sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says, we’re sorry, we don’t serve food here. 

How do you get to outer space? You planet. 

I don’t go to seafood restaurants anymore because I keep pulling a mussel. 

How does an ocean say hi to the shore? It waves, of course! 

My batteries were dead, so I gave them all away free of charge! 

Why can’t bicycles stand on their own? Because they are too tired! Get it, get it?

What cheese can get you arrested for eating it? Nacho cheese. 

A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. When he realizes he doesn’t have any money, he tells the bartender to, “put it on his bill.”

Have you seen that documentary about beavers? It’s dam good.

These horrible jokes are pretty bad in their own rights, but because they are so bad, it makes them good.

Which ones did we miss?

5 Last Minute Mother’s Day Gift Ideas that Aren’t Lame and Under $30 

5 Last Minute Mother’s Day Gift Ideas that Aren’t Lame and Under $30 

There is nothing wrong with getting mom flowers but it’s always nice to surprise her with something that it not the equivalent of getting dad a tie for father’s day. 

Here is a list of last-minute gifts that you can order for mom on Amazon Prime but don’t wait too long.

EccoVessel Port Vacuum Insulated Stainless Steel Wine Glass: Toast mom with this triple insulated tumbler perfect to keeping mom’s cocktails or vino cold and her coffee piping hot. Drinking lid is removable and is BPA free and is the perfect sippy cup for adults. And look ma! no condensation thanks to the double wall design. $17.95

Homesick Scented Candles: Take mom on vacation without ever having to leave home. These hand-poured, natural soy wax candles perfectly capture all the scents of major cities and countries across the globe. Let these scents transport her to Brasil, New York City, France, Seattle, Chicago, Canada, Dallas, Denver and more! Candles burn anywhere from 60-80 hours. $29.95

Zen Breeze Essential Oil Diffuser:   If Calgon can’t do the trick (and you wouldn’t want to know if it did) this essential oil diffuser brings the power of aromatherapy and the wood-grain model makes it a stylish addition to any room. Also has a built-in Whisper Quiet ultrasonic coolmist to relieve allergies and dry sinuses. Mom can add her own mixture of essential oils including lavender, lemongrass, rosemary, clementine, peppermint, jasmine, lime or a variety of florals. $29.65

Movie Quotes for All Occasions Paperback Book:  is mom a movie lover and a book worm? This is the gift that keeps on giving and mom will never have to wonder where to insert her favorite movie lines at the right time in conversation. $12.78

Kate Spade New York Women’s Luggage Tag ID Clip: Mom can travel in style and always know which bag is hers at the airport. The multi-color glitter gold clip with the Kate Space iconic logo charm means mom can be fashionable anywhere she goes. $24.00


7 Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Him or Her 

7 Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Him or Her 

Want to heat things up this Valentine’s Day? Chocolate, flowers, stuffed animals and puppies go a long way but why not spice things up a bit. We’ve compiled a list great gift ideas perfect for that guy or girl in your life.

Tail Titan   The Super Bowl is right around the corner and these illuminated tail hitch and light kits include all your favorite officially licensed teams for all your favorite sports. $149.99

Trunk Club   Need a little help with your wardrobe? Trunk Club is a subscription-based service that brings the latest fashions each month delivered to your home. Send back what you don’t want and keep the clothes that you do. Prices range from $25 to over $200 but you can decide what you want to spend based on your look.

Rockhard Weekend Kick things up a notch in the bedroom and increase your sexual performance with these all natural male performance enhancers. Choose from liquid or pill formulas that are guaranteed to heat things up. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Starts at $9.99

Mario Kart LED Twinkling Bracelet   If your girlfriend is a nerd and a gamer she will geek out over this illuminated bracelet from ThinkGeek.com. She will only have to look to her wrist to see her Mario, Peach and her favorite Mario Kart creatures race to the finish on Rainbow Road. $29.99

Nixon Sentry SS SW Watch-Millenium Falcon Gunmetal Limited Reissue   Does the guy in your life love Star Wars but still wants style? Watch features include the falcon’s cockpit design, double locking adjustable clasp and an engraving on the back that reads, “never tell me the odds.” Han never looked so good. $199.99

Tile   Got someone in your life that keeps losing their keys, wallet or mind? Just kidding about the mind part. Seriously tho, this waterproof device features the most powerful bluetooth tracker technology and comes in white or champagne colors. Plus, it means you don’t have to get into fights trying to track down that much needed item. $35

Wine Pearls   For that wine lover that has everything. These are not the kind of pearls that you wear around your neck. Keep your wine at the optimal temperature with each sip. $24.99

Top 2018 New Year’s Resolution List for Men 


There are quite a few 2018 resolution lists out there with the typical list toppers such as cutting back on crappy foods, drinking a smidge less or to stop watching re-runs of Jersey Shore and texting your ex.

Forget the usual tips. We’ve compiled a list of the top 4 things every guy needs to focus on to make 2018 the best year ever. From better performance in bed to how to dress, this list will be the transformation that you need to succeed in 2018.

So, without further ado…we give you the Top 2018 New Year’s Resolution List for Men:

  1. Have better sex. Forgot learning a new language. Why not invest in a skill that really matters such as better sexual performance. The best part? Practice makes perfect. Try on an all-natural male performance pill for size and see what happens.

2. Eat healthy and boost your immune system and stamina. One really awesome side effect to eating healthy is not just a healthy heart but the ability to last longer ni bed. Don’t get us wrong, health is very important but at least you get to have your cake and eat it too.

3. Bring home a six pack—a six pack of abs that is. Why wait till summer to get the body you have always wanted. Give this workout/diet routine a try before you hit the beach.

4. Dress to impress. Now that you are tackling your health, getting the abs of your dreams and have the stamina of a stallion, it’s time to dress the part. Follow this list of closet staples to keep you looking dapper.

Follow these tips and let us know how kick-ass your 2018 is going. Happy New Year and see you in 2018!

Judge Orders Guy to Write 140 Nice Letters to Ex-Girlfriend

Judge Orders Guy to Write 140 Nice Letters to Ex-Girlfriend

Don’t piss off female judges in Hawaii. Well, don’t piss off a judge in any state. Sometime last week, some guy allegedly went off his nut and decided it was a good idea to text his ex-girlfriend 144 times in just three hours—give or take.

It was a psycho move that can’t be explained away by a night out with the boys that ended with too many shots and 144 bad decisions. Turns out, this guy’s ex-girlfriend had a protection order against him from back in February. I’m gonna guess over some nasty text messages as well. Maybe some threats here and there. 

When your texting game averages 48 texts in one hour and lasts for three hours, this isn’t your first time. So, in addition to $2,400 in fines, 157 days behind bars, and 200 hours of community service (let’s hope he can’t take his phone along) Judge Rhonda Loo threw another assignment at him—writing nice letters about his ex on actual paper. 

“For every nasty thing you said about her, you’re going to say a nice thing, said Judge Loo according to an AP release. Judge Loo also ordered the 30-year-old man to refrain from repeating any word in those letters. Dannng!

Judge Loo felt it necessary to point out that it’s childish for a grown man to be so thumb happy. Hmmm, that sounds familiar.

Most guys are no stranger to cringe-worthy moments such as a string of voicemails or text messages after our girls were cheating but this is a new level altogether.

Have you ever over-texted an ex or stalked your girl on Instagram? 

6 Urinal Etiquette Rules for Guys

6 Urinal Etiquette Rules for Guys

I went to visit a client last week and made a quick pit stop for a piss before heading back to the office. I pushed the door open and glanced at one occupied stall, one open stall and walked directly to the wall of three unoccupied urinals.

I grabbed the urinal farthest away from the guy in the stall that sent me a reminder of his presence with a forced courtesy cough.

Apparently, I really had to pee to the point of enjoyment through the relief of relieving myself until I heard the creak of the door. Like most guys, I did a little prostate push to finish off the job.

In walks this guy who was maybe in his early twenties and looked fairly normal but being in mid-piss I didn’t want to make eye contact. Instead, I used my peripheral vision to make sure he knew the unspoken rules of the men’s room. He didn’t. He not only moved to the middle urinal which was next to me but he made the mistake of attempting to strike up a “how’s the weather” conversation.

In one quick motion and with practiced precision, I zipped up my fly and turned on my heels to the sink behind me. You know, thinking that he would stop talking to me after I forced out a mumble agreeing with how cold it was this morning and how it might get warmer later. All I knew is that it was getting too damn hot and uncomfortable in that cramped space. Halfway during my cajoling about the mood of the barometer, the occupant of stall number one let out another gurgle which signaled my expected exit. I’m not sure if my friendly urinal mate picked up on that cue—I was too busy getting the hell out of there.

This annoying experience made me think that I need to talk about today’s urinal rules for guys. Some of these rules should be obvious and some are new rules based on technology.

Rule 1.  If another urinal is available, make sure it’s not next to an occupied one.

Rule 2.  No striking up a conversation with a stranger at the urinal even you’re separated by an unoccupied one. Think of it as the elevator and step back and stay quiet until you know it’s ok. 

Rule 3.  No texting or talking on your phone while taking a pee. It’s not o.k.

Rule 4.  Don’t spend 30 seconds “shaking the dew off the lily.” Any length of time longer than 5 seconds turns into another favorite activity you do alone. 

Rule 5. The urinal is not a trash can.  I don’t want to see you hock up a loogie, spit out your gum or even chewing tobacco. And even if I don’t see you do it, I don’t want to look down to see it sitting on top of a urinal cake.

Rule 6.  WASH YOUR HANDS. I’ve been known to call out restaurant employees that try to bolt out the door without hitting the sink first. I don’t think I have to explain this one. WASH YOUR HANDS.

Did I miss any?

Halloween Candy Sucks for Kids Trick-or-Treating in Some States Says Ibotta

Halloween Candy Sucks for Some Kids Trick-or-Treating in Some States Says Ibotta


by Guest blogger: Angela Cavallari Walker

If you are lucky enough to live in Oregon, Washington, New Jersey, Utah or California Halloween will be sweet this year, according to data from the shopping app, Ibotta.

If you happen to live in Georgia, or Alabama you stand to get screwed royally when it comes to your annual candy haul. Gird your loins—Charlie Brown you are getting half the rocks. Worse than that…freaking Michigan was also on the stingy candy list. I mean, hasn’t that state suffered enough with shitty water?

The findings were based on looking at candy sales from the prior Halloween candy purchases back in the good ol’ days of 2015 and 2016.

For several generations, Halloween has become a rite-of-passage and the amount and what kind of candy you scored is treated as universal currency among kids. Ibotta’s latest findings just go to show that not much has changed even today.

At the end of the night, plastic buckets, pillowcases, and sponsored bags hanging on by one broken plastic handle were dumped into a large pile.

Back in the day, I couldn’t give away a pack of Beechum’s gum, dark licorice or that awful orange and black-wrapped taffy candies that were made of petroleum and children’s tears. I went to work sorting anything with a silver wrapper the fastest since chocolate was considered the gold standard of candy currency.

This ritual continues to play out even today in the less traditional count rooms of carpeted floors and tabletops. The same candy is still un-tradeable, chocolate still reigns as the most valuable confection and getting a toothbrush is the equivalent of getting a rock. 


Mobile App Ibotta Serves Up Free Beer for Dads on Father’s Day

Mobile App Serves Up Free Beer for Dads on Father’s Day

You know what tastes better than an ice cold beer? A FREE ice cold beer. This Father’s Day the mobile shopping app, Ibotta wants to treat all the dads out there to a brewski.

The promotion aptly named “Hops for Pops” is available nationwide this Sunday, June 18. To redeem the offer simply download the Ibotta App (don’t worry, it’s free just like the beer) and can be used in any restaurant for any brew up to a value of $5.

While the offer only lasts for 24 hours on Father’s Day you can still score some cash back anytime on the beer you buy at the grocery store or even when you are watching the big game at Buffalo Wild Wings.

“Being a father is often a thankless job. That’s why we wanted to celebrate dads by toasting them with their beer of choice this Father’s Day,” said Bryan Leach, founder and CEO of Ibotta. “To all the hardworking dads out there, we say thank you. Enjoy a cold one on us.”

Cheers and Happy Father’s Day!


About Ibotta

Ibotta is transforming the shopping experience by making it easy for consumers to earn cash back on everyday purchases through a single smartphone app. The company partners with leading brands and retailers to offer rebates on groceries, electronics, clothing, restaurant dining, beer, wine, spirits and more. As the premier destination for rewarded shopping on mobile, Ibotta has paid out more than $210 million in cash back to its users, and is the third most popular shopping app in the United States.

Father’s Day Fun: 25 of the Worst Jokes Ever Told by Dads


It’s time to get revenge on your dad this Father’s Day with a collection of the worst dad jokes you have heard at least a thousand times. Get it, get it? Yeah, good one, Dad. 

  1. What do you call a fish with no ‘i’? A, fssh

2. How did she/he look? With her eyes, silly!

3, See that cemetery? People are just dying to get in there.

4. How many peaches grow on trees? All of them!

5. Hey Dad, did you get a haircut? No son, I got ALL of them cut.

6. I’m not a fan of sushi, it’s too fishy.

7. Know what they call fake pasta? An Impasta.

8. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs? Matt.

9. What do you call a man with no nose and no body? Nobody nose.

10. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on top of a mountain? Cliff

11. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob

12. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!

13. A grasshopper hops into a bar and the bartender says, “hey, we’ve got a drink named after you.” Really, says the grasshopper, “you’ve got a drink named, Murray?” FYI, a grasshopper was a cocktail made popular in the 1980s and it’s gross.

14. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says, “we don’t serve food here.”

15. How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.

16. Did you hear about the guy with a belt and watch in one? It was a waste of time.

17. How does the ocean say hello to the shore? It waves.

18. Where do you buy broth? The stock market.

19. What’s the most selfish kind of seafood? Shellfish!

20. Without geometry, your life is just pointless.

21. How much do dead batteries cost? Nothing, they are free of charge.

22. What did the one hat say to the other? I’ll go ahead.

23. Why was the homeless man selling yeast? Because he needed to raise some dough.

24. Why do skeletons have to do trick-or-treating alone? Because they have no “body” to go with.

25. What did the daddy spider say to the baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.