Sometime last week, I met my girlfriend for a drink after a hellish week at work. We opted to catch up at a local watering hole near the apartment that we share. I was sitting at a four-top table in the crowded bar—fighting off patrons that asked if I was using the empty chair across from me when I realized that the flat-assed women with her back to me was my girlfriend.
This surprised me because she has a hot ass, and needs little make-up to playup her best features. Normally, she’s rocking jeans, a conservative blouse and some sort of heeled shoe. For some reason she chose to show up in the outfit she wore to work—baggy jeans that she later explained were called ‘boyfriend” jeans and short boots that made her feet look like she was still wearing the shoebox.
I’m not a dumbass so I tiptoed around the question I really wanted to ask which was, “what the hell are you wearing?” Instead, I went with my go-to question when I want to avoid any drama—“is that a new outfit?” It’s innocent enough to sidestep the “do I look fat in this” trap and usually follows with an explanation about where, how much and why she chose the outfit. Seriously, that is the best tip I could give any guy out there. Yeah, you’re welcome.
While she was going into a ridiculous amount of detail and my mind wandered between whether we were going to have sex later and what I should order, I dodged another drama bullet by asking her if there was anything I should stop wearing. As in, what fashion trends do women hate on guys.
Her reply might not be scientific, it’s based on some serious feedback during her GNOs. Guys, you may not want to hear this but at least stop wearing the following fashion trends:
Cargo shorts. I remember cargo anything a few years ago filling most of my closet. And on ocassion, I still reach for that one pair that is perfect for couch sitting and ball scratching. AND according to my girlfriend this is exactly where they should stay—at home for nut scratching.
Deep v-neck shirts. I keep a collection of undershirts some with a v-neck but apparently, anything with a deep-v that shows off your chest hair and pecs is a turnoff. Noted and makes sense. You don’t want competing cleavage with your date.
Shitty flip flops. I don’t get this one but no-brand crappy, on sale at the pharmacy, flip flops are for emergencies not for regular wear. If you have to wear flip flips opt for brand name, good quality flip flops. And it was also made clear to me that you should trim your toe nails before you dare show off your bare feet. Fair enough.
Gun-show tank tops. This look is only sexy at the gym and as seen as a general turn off. However, an exception is always made for The Rock. She then went on to explain that the sexiest way to show off your muscles is in a non-descript t-shirt that hugs your biceps.
Last but not least, if you are going to wear a baseball cap wear it the way it was intended: with the bill hanging over your eyes not on the back of your head or flipped to the side. Well, unless you are playing baseball.
What do you think of this list? Is it accurate and do you plan on burning your cargo shorts anytime soon?