It’s early October and Halloween party invites are already flying out. This year, I’m attending a costumed soiree as a plus-one with a girl I’ve been dating for about three months—give or take. Adding to my fear of picking a douchey costume is that this party is at her boss’ house, it’s a charity event and couples are expected to arrive in couples’ costumes. No pressure, right?
I have spent the last 72 hours agonizing over sites such as Party City and eBay (as instructed by my girl/date) to find the most clever costume. Some of the stupidest and downright dickhead ideas have popped up during my search.
What guy wants to be a fucking light socket or two sunny-side up eggs? How about walking around as a piece of shit? Yes, there is actually a costume where you can pair up with your partner going as a roll of toilet paper. Thanks for nothing, internet.
But hey, my loss of time is your gain. I haven’t quite narrowed it down to what we will be wearing, but I can tell you it’s not a bar of soup with my girl going as a loofah. Plus, I do want her to look hot as hell if that’s possible.
Here’s my super badass list of Halloween costume ideas for couples…you’re welcome.
—Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio. I’m a huge Yankees fan, so I have zero issue with wearing my favorite ball cap. If you’re not a huge Yankees fan then skip to the other suggestions.
—James Bond and Bond Girl. Is there anything more badass than James Bond? Black dress pants fitted black jacket and a bowtie. Don’t forget to add a martini glass and 007 badges. Have some fun deciding on her outfit. Bond girls are smokin’.
—Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash. Nothing easier than donning all black and a guitar. June Carter’s dresses were cute and hot in a girl-next-door sort of way.
—Hugh Heffner and Playboy Bunny. A tip of a hat to the late Hef and is there anything sexier than a Playboy bunny. Plus you can wear it later for some Cosplay.
I Dream of Genie and Major Nelson (Master). You wear a blue suit and she rocks a sexy mid-drift carrying around a bottle.
—Bob Ross and a Happy Little Trees Painting. Blue denim shirt, a palette, brush, wig and a dream. Your girl can go as a tree or cut out a hole in a crappy painting and she can stick her face in the center.
I’m out of ideas at this point, so feel free to share yours.