Four Masturbation Mistakes Every Guy Needs to Avoid

Masturbation is good for your health according to several studies. However, most guys have been known to take it a bit too far. And yes, there is such thing as too much of a good thing.

For instance, the 55-year-old moron that allegedly dropped his pajama bottoms and decided chafe the carrot during a half-marathon race in Emerson, New Jersey last week. Reportedly, he was not a runner or participating in the race which would have been much healthier and not ended in an arrest. 

Clearly, that mistake is a very obvious one: masturbation needs to happen in privacy and with consenting adults if they are willing participants.  

In all seriousness, here are four things that you should not try at home or at all when masturbating:

Behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. Sure, it’s a long road trip and you are tired and that urge just kinda creeps up on you. What happens when you have to stop suddenly to avoid hitting another driver or a squirrel? Well, according to a study conducted by the Canadian Urological Association Journal, you can actually break your penis. And if it’s an actual accident, you might even snap it off. 

Don’t choke your chicken. Wanking behind the wheel is not the only way to break your penis. That’s right, squeezing can lead snap your willy. No one wants to show up in the emergency room and be officially diagnosed with a penile fracture. So yeah, the wrong stroke and too much compression will and can cause a rupture. 

Too much of a good thing. One twenty-something dude found himself in the emergency room suffering from a nasty infection from masturbating so much that he opened up fissures on his shaft. Some nasty bacteria found its way into those cuts and this poor bastard ended up with skin grafts on his penis. True story.

Keep your penis out of receptacles. We’re not talking about an electrical socket (although, I’m sure that’s been tried) but other urban legends that are actually true. Remember hearing about the guy that got his penis stuck in the pool? No shit, that has actually happened. Ask any ER nurse and I’m sure they have many more stories to tell. You could do serious damage to your urethra by trying to cram your penis into say….the opening of a water bottle. Yeah, that has happened too. 

These stories and masturbation advice would not exist if it not for the dip shits that made the above mistakes possible. Take heed and learn from their pain. 

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