ha-ha-writing

It’s time to get revenge on your dad this Father’s Day with a collection of the worst dad jokes you have heard at least a thousand times. Get it, get it? Yeah, good one, Dad. 

  1. What do you call a fish with no ‘i’? A, fssh

2. How did she/he look? With her eyes, silly!

3, See that cemetery? People are just dying to get in there.

4. How many peaches grow on trees? All of them!

5. Hey Dad, did you get a haircut? No son, I got ALL of them cut.

6. I’m not a fan of sushi, it’s too fishy.

7. Know what they call fake pasta? An Impasta.

8. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs? Matt.

9. What do you call a man with no nose and no body? Nobody nose.

10. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on top of a mountain? Cliff

11. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob

12. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!

13. A grasshopper hops into a bar and the bartender says, “hey, we’ve got a drink named after you.” Really, says the grasshopper, “you’ve got a drink named, Murray?” FYI, a grasshopper was a cocktail made popular in the 1980s and it’s gross.

14. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says, “we don’t serve food here.”

15. How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.

16. Did you hear about the guy with a belt and watch in one? It was a waste of time.

17. How does the ocean say hello to the shore? It waves.

18. Where do you buy broth? The stock market.

19. What’s the most selfish kind of seafood? Shellfish!

20. Without geometry, your life is just pointless.

21. How much do dead batteries cost? Nothing, they are free of charge.

22. What did the one hat say to the other? I’ll go ahead.

23. Why was the homeless man selling yeast? Because he needed to raise some dough.

24. Why do skeletons have to do trick-or-treating alone? Because they have no “body” to go with.

25. What did the daddy spider say to the baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

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