Penis Shrinkage is a Real Thing for Guys

Penis Shrinkage is a Real Thing for Guys

There is a famous episode of the sitcom, Seinfeld where the character George Costanza literally gets caught with his pants down. Actually, it was his swimsuit following exposure to cold water. In case you were wondering this unfortunate function is caused by the sympathetic nervous system.

But can your penis actually get smaller without help from freezing water or a cold breeze? The answer is just as frightening as a flaccid penis and that answer is, kinda. In fact, there is also a medical term for a fully-erect penis called, tumescence. 

So, besides a cold shower what else could lead to penis shrinkage? Well, erections are fueled by blood flow which can wane a bit as you get older and also impact the production of testosterone. Guys with heart disease, diabetes, and thyroid conditions could be seeing changes in the length of time they can hold an erection, not the actual size.

If you are concerned there are some simple steps you can take to combat every guy’s worst nightmare. For starters, hit the gym. Exercise is good for your heart, blood flow, and testosterone.

You can check out this blog on the best exercises you can do to perform better in bed

Of course, a healthy diet is always a good idea. Find out what food you should be eating to boost your overall health and stamina in the blog 11 foods that boost your health and stamina

Lastly, keep in mind that having sex at the right time of day does play a factor in your performance and tumescence.

Don’t freak out if you are having shrinkage issues. Call your doctor, make an appointment to get everything checked out and while you’re at it, get cleared before introducing any new diet or exercise program mentioned above. 

Super Badass and Sexy Halloween Costume Ideas for Couples 

Super Badass and Sexy Halloween Costume Ideas for Couples 

It’s early October and Halloween party invites are already flying out. This year, I’m attending a costumed soiree as a plus-one with a girl I’ve been dating for about three months—give or take. Adding to my fear of picking a douchey costume is that this party is at her boss’ house, it’s a charity event and couples are expected to arrive in couples’ costumes. No pressure, right?

I have spent the last 72 hours agonizing over sites such as Party City and eBay  (as instructed by my girl/date) to find the most clever costume. Some of the stupidest and downright dickhead ideas have popped up during my search. 

What guy wants to be a fucking light socket or two sunny-side up eggs? How about walking around as a piece of shit? Yes, there is actually a costume where you can pair up with your partner going as a roll of toilet paper. Thanks for nothing, internet. 

But hey, my loss of time is your gain. I haven’t quite narrowed it down to what we will be wearing, but I can tell you it’s not a bar of soup with my girl going as a loofah. Plus, I do want her to look hot as hell if that’s possible. 

Here’s my super badass list of Halloween costume ideas for couples…you’re welcome. 

—Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio. I’m a huge Yankees fan, so I have zero issue with wearing my favorite ball cap. If you’re not a huge Yankees fan then skip to the other suggestions. 

—James Bond and Bond Girl. Is there anything more badass than James Bond? Black dress pants fitted black jacket and a bowtie. Don’t forget to add a martini glass and 007 badges. Have some fun deciding on her outfit. Bond girls are smokin’. 

—Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash. Nothing easier than donning all black and a guitar. June Carter’s dresses were cute and hot in a girl-next-door sort of way. 

—Hugh Heffner and Playboy Bunny. A tip of a hat to the late Hef and is there anything sexier than a Playboy bunny. Plus you can wear it later for some Cosplay. 

I Dream of Genie and Major Nelson (Master). You wear a blue suit and she rocks a sexy mid-drift carrying around a bottle. 

—Bob Ross and a Happy Little Trees Painting. Blue denim shirt, a palette, brush, wig and a dream. Your girl can go as a tree or cut out a hole in a crappy painting and she can stick her face in the center. 

I’m out of ideas at this point, so feel free to share yours.

What’s the Best Time of the Day to Have Sex

What’s the Best Time of the Day to Have Sex

And the best time of day to have sex is….just kidding, keep reading to find out.

If you’ve always wondered what the best time of the day to have sex is, you are not alone. Well, let’s hope you’re not alone when you feel the urge.

Finally, a hormone expert named Alissa Vitti provided an educated guess. Not exactly a guess. Hormones impact whether or not we are in the mood or just moody, our sex drive, and how you feel about yourself and your partner. Hormones also peak for men and women at different times of the day.  

Vitti is not just a hormone expert but she wrote a guidebook about womens’ hormones—something most guys have not been able to crack.

Vitti claims that the best time of the day to have sex is 3:00 PM. Guys, if you are feeling a bit more sensitive later in the afternoon, you are experiencing a higher level of estrogen. Women tend to be more engaged and full of energy at this time of day because of higher cortisol levels. 

More estrogen means that guys are more likely to be engaged emotionally during sex, while women are more likely to make some noise and not be too tired” for some afternoon delight. 

Chances are, you will both be at work at 3:00 PM, but a new survey suggests that you many of us still have sex at work. Might be work try. 

Don’t worry if you miss this window of opportunity and skyrockets in flight. You can still hit it hard mid-morning, according to Vitti. Keep in mind that having sex in the morning could get your fertile partner pregnant, says another study. 

Millennials Not Having Sex Because of Microwaves

Millennials Not Having Sex Because of Microwaves

If you are millennial and not having as much sex as Gen Xers, there’s apparently a reason for that. Several, yes…several studies are floating around that point to a plethora of factors. As a Gen X’er, I have a hard time (no pun intended) understanding how the hell this happened. 

One new study from a millennial researcher named, Jean Twenge blames this lack of sexual drive on having copter parents (see helicopter parents) hovering around millennials their whole lives. Other factors include longer life spans and technology, according to new data from Macquarie Research. 

And it’s not just sex, it’s drugs, drinking and maybe even rock’ n’ roll. Condom sales have plummeted but not because this generation is throwing caution to the wind. No, it’s because they couldn’t be bothered to put down their smartphones and put the moves on a girl. Not helping matters is that most millennials are not only living longer but living with their parents longer. Nothing kills the mood like bringing home a girl from a club with a shared wall between the very people that created you in the same manner. 

Another study released last year claims that it’s the fault of video games. However, I remember a time when I would play Atari till I had blisters on my hand and permanent impressions on my thumbs. And I’m pretty sure I developed the early signs of carpal tunnel syndrome as the direct result of playing Nintendo not when I entered the workforce and needed to ask someone for a freaking perch for my wrist. 

Truth is, maybe we are ALL just evolving into a more instant gratification society. I remember getting pissed off and yelling at the microwave when it took longer than 3 minutes to burn up the processed cheese inside my pepperoni Hot Pockets. Before the microwave, the commitment was a minimum of at least 10 minutes on the stove or in the oven.  

Now apply this idea to dating or trying to get a girl to notice you without a text. It was a shitload of work. Imagine walking up to a girl in the late 80s or early 90s and handing her a Poloraid of yourself with stickers all over it. She would have either done the following: a. act creeped out and start backing away from her locker. b. laugh like hell and show the picture to her friends while they all burst out into snorted giggling. c. ignored it and set it on the shelf of her locker with a shrug. 

Getting a date was never an option. Today? You can snap a photo of yourself on your phone and put cartooned rabbit ears and a nose on it and you just might get laid. You know, cause’ it’s really cute. 

In all honesty, we don’t have the answers as to why this happening. For now, I’ll just keep blaming the microwave. 

Four Masturbation Mistakes Every Guy Needs to Avoid

Four Masturbation Mistakes Every Guy Needs to Avoid

Masturbation is good for your health according to several studies. However, most guys have been known to take it a bit too far. And yes, there is such thing as too much of a good thing.

For instance, the 55-year-old moron that allegedly dropped his pajama bottoms and decided chafe the carrot during a half-marathon race in Emerson, New Jersey last week. Reportedly, he was not a runner or participating in the race which would have been much healthier and not ended in an arrest. 

Clearly, that mistake is a very obvious one: masturbation needs to happen in privacy and with consenting adults if they are willing participants.  

In all seriousness, here are four things that you should not try at home or at all when masturbating:

Behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. Sure, it’s a long road trip and you are tired and that urge just kinda creeps up on you. What happens when you have to stop suddenly to avoid hitting another driver or a squirrel? Well, according to a study conducted by the Canadian Urological Association Journal, you can actually break your penis. And if it’s an actual accident, you might even snap it off. 

Don’t choke your chicken. Wanking behind the wheel is not the only way to break your penis. That’s right, squeezing can lead snap your willy. No one wants to show up in the emergency room and be officially diagnosed with a penile fracture. So yeah, the wrong stroke and too much compression will and can cause a rupture. 

Too much of a good thing. One twenty-something dude found himself in the emergency room suffering from a nasty infection from masturbating so much that he opened up fissures on his shaft. Some nasty bacteria found its way into those cuts and this poor bastard ended up with skin grafts on his penis. True story.

Keep your penis out of receptacles. We’re not talking about an electrical socket (although, I’m sure that’s been tried) but other urban legends that are actually true. Remember hearing about the guy that got his penis stuck in the pool? No shit, that has actually happened. Ask any ER nurse and I’m sure they have many more stories to tell. You could do serious damage to your urethra by trying to cram your penis into say….the opening of a water bottle. Yeah, that has happened too. 

These stories and masturbation advice would not exist if it not for the dip shits that made the above mistakes possible. Take heed and learn from their pain. 

Should Guys Get Regular Manicures and Pedicures

Should Guys Get Regular Manicures and Pedicures

I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to my fingernails with the exception of making sure they are absent of dirt or debris from dinner. I’ve avoided getting a manicure even at the insistence and invitation of female friends.

I have never been able to even picture myself sitting in a crowded space in a strip mall breathing in acetone and conversations about the drama at work or the checkout line. The other scenario is that my barber Jimmy would bring someone in to go to work on my hands. The later of the two is not likely. Jimmy bitches about trimming my ear hair so dealing with my nails– not gonna happen.

Typically, my grooming habits involve just gnawing down the nail before it bleeds out near a cuticle. Not out of some nervous habit but more out of necessity. Yeah, I know…it’s gross.

There were in such bad shape that a female co-worker remarked on how one of my nails was so crudely ripped off that it had signs of prior bleeding. She then went full on Forensics Files describing how detectives scrape out what’s underneath our nails as evidence.

I decided to do my own detective work and Googled the words, nail biting bacteria. Apparently, if you swallow your nails (I avoid doing that) you can end up with stomach problems. There is also a shitton of nasty bacteria that could cause you to lose your finger. Missing fingers are not a good look.

Also, trying it on your own is not a good idea until you actually go to a reputable salon and learn some basics. So, I bit the bullet instead of my nails and went on an off-day when the nail salon is pretty empty. FYI, Sunday, Mondays, and Tuesdays are the least crowded days and when they first open mid-morning is the best time of day.

Here are some tips for first-timers. The place stunk of acetone or nail polish remover. Seriously, if you have allergies, your day at the nail salon will be short. Secondly, a good manicure will cost you around thirty bucks plus tip. Tip costs vary but three-to-five bucks are considered fair and decent.

Speaking of tips, be sure and ask for some to keep your nails neat and trimmed between manicures. You also don’t need to get any polish on your nails, but a clear coat will help with chipping and breaking. It took some getting used to, but I actually enjoy and look forward to getting my nails done. It also gives me some confidence while dating or at least keeps me from shifting the topic from sex to whether there might be the E-coli under my cuticles.

They did discover some fungi under my toes, but I wasn’t ready to have them go to work on my feet just yet—baby steps.

Exercises Every Guy Should Do for Better Performance in Bed 

 

jeune-homme-sportif-courseAbout a week ago, I was sitting in my doctor’s office for my annual check-up. You know, the usual poking of needles and rubber-gloved fingers checking for lumps, bumps, and nodules. 

I figured now would be a good time to ask my doctor the question I have no desire to ask my trainer, what can I do to be better in bed? Actually, what exercises should I be doing to make me better in bed.  

Since my doc is pretty out of shape, he told me to ask my trainer. So much for avoiding embarrassment. 

Here is a list of exercises you should be doing to pump up your performance in bed. Fair warning: some of these are really weird and will put you in a very strange position. Literally. 

Kegels.    Most guys have never heard of these but most women have. Basically, kegels are the muscles that keep you from pissing your pants. Now that you know how to mimic this exercise, lay on the floor on your back so that your pelvic floor muscles are engaged. Kegels prevent premature ejaculations and erectile dysfunction. I could go into details about how to do them the right way, but I will just encourage you to watch a Youtube video for the best direction. 

Planks.    You are more-than-likely doing these already or know what they are, but just be sure you work up to holding them for up to 60 seconds. Keeping your body and back straight—keep your abs locked and loaded while in plank position. 

Push-Ups.    Your standard push-ups go a long way in strengthening your upper body which increases your stamina and strength both inside and outside of the bedroom. 

Bridges.    Another exercise you have likely seen women doing at the gym. Visually, it looks like you are practicing thrusts. Similar to kegels, you lay down flat on your back with your knees slightly bent and hip distance apart. Then, get to thrusting. Feel the burn in your hamstrings and glutes. 

My trainer would highly recommend all of these exercises but I wouldn’t recommend doing the kegels or bridges in public or at the gym. Seriously, you will look like a perv.