Father’s Day Fun: A Collection of the Worst Dad Jokes Ever Told

ather’s Day Fun: A Collection of the Worst Dad Jokes Ever Tol

Dads are celebrated on Father’s Day for the support and love they contribute to their families. But this is not one of these blogs, instead, we are going to celebrate all the eye-rolling, cringe-worthy, groan-inducing bad jokes that every dad thinks is hilarious in spite of the lack of laughter or even the faintest smile cracked. 

Here is a list of the worst dad jokes ever told: 

What does a mountain climber name his son? Cliff. 

What’s brown and sticky? A stick. 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the ocean? Bob. 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs standing in a doorway? Matt. 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs hanging on the wall? Art. 

What are fake noodles called? Impasta. 

How many oranges grow on trees? All of them. 

See that graveyard over there? People are DYING to get in there. 

Why do blondes stare at orange juice? Because the carton said, concentrate. 

How can you tell if a blonde has been sitting at your computer? There is white-out on the screen. 

What brand of shoes to thieves prefer? Sneakers. 

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, why the long face?

A ham sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says, we’re sorry, we don’t serve food here. 

How do you get to outer space? You planet. 

I don’t go to seafood restaurants anymore because I keep pulling a mussel. 

How does an ocean say hi to the shore? It waves, of course! 

My batteries were dead, so I gave them all away free of charge! 

Why can’t bicycles stand on their own? Because they are too tired! Get it, get it?

What cheese can get you arrested for eating it? Nacho cheese. 

A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. When he realizes he doesn’t have any money, he tells the bartender to, “put it on his bill.”

Have you seen that documentary about beavers? It’s dam good.

These horrible jokes are pretty bad in their own rights, but because they are so bad, it makes them good.

Which ones did we miss?

Father’s Day Gift Guide for the Sports Fanatic  

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Stumped about what to get that special man and sports nut in your life? Have no fear, here is a list of the coolest gifts for sports fans that celebrate every team, sport and season. 

Tee Time:   

Did you know that the legendary Bill Murray of Caddyshack fame has a line of golf clothing and apparel? Subtly tacky yet still subtle enough to look classy on the course or at the 19th hole. Plus, they are having a Father’s Day Sale. WilliamMurrayGolf.com prices start at $36. 

Sports Themed Custom Corn Hole Sets: 

If the man in your life can always be found near the corn hole game at every BBQ gathering, chances are, he wants a set of his own. And if he’s a sports fan, Victory Tailgate has got him covered with custom corn hole sets with every major and collegiate team officially licensed by the NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL. Victory Tailgate $199.00.

Lighted Team Tail Gate Covers:  

He can rule the next tailgate with these lighted tailgate hitch covers. Choose from officially licensed NCAA, NFL, MLB, and NBA logos! If covering your tail was not enough, you can also choose from illuminated running and brake lights. Tail Titan $149.99

Sports and Collegiate Cell Phone Cases:  

Take your team spirit everywhere with these phone cases and skins made to fit iPhones, androids, electronic devices and even game controllers. Features all your favorite teams in case or skin form. SkinIt.com $24.99 

Bluetooth Helmet Speaker:

Fanatics.com has plenty to choose from on their site, but you can call off the search with this fun little speaker which is the perfect accessory for their phone and for pumping out some Rascal Flats while tailgaiting. fanatics.com $119

Fatheads Wall Murals:  

Just because you might never meet your athlete hero, doesn’t mean that you can’t have them show up in your living room. Choose from wall life-sized wall murals of today’s top athletes and legends, stadium photos and team logos. fathead.com starts at $59.99

Sports Cufflinks:  

Forget the tie this Father’s Day and get a sports-themed tie clip instead. Or, wear your favorite team on your sleeve—on your cuff to be exact. Because team pride doesn’t have to be worn as face paint. cufflinks.com $65

 

Want to Have More Sex? Eat More Seafood and Fish Says Study

Want to Have More Sex? Eat More Seafood and Fish Says Study

A recent study released by the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism found that when men and women consumed more seafood they had more sex. 

In fact, couples that BOTH ate at least two servings of fish or seafood experienced and we are sure, enjoyed a 22 percent spike in sexual intercourse. 

Fish contains omega-3 fatty acids and has been known to help boost semen production and increase levels of progesterone—which could explain all the sex. 

Want to put this study to the test? Here is a recipe for grilled salmon to get you started. 

Simple Grilled Salmon Recipe 

—4 large lemon wedges 

—4 wild caught salmon fillets with skin on

—vegetable oil 

—fresh dill 

—one jar of capers 

—salt and pepper to taste 

Brush grill grates with vegetable oil and pre-heat to grill on high heat and reduce to medium heat. Place fish on grill skin-side first and allow to cook for approximately 3-4 minutes. Flip and cook on the other side. 

Remove from heat. Fish should be pink and slightly flakey. Squeeze lemon on fish, add a dash of salt and pepper, place fresh dill on fish and top with capers. Serve with a side of fresh veggies. 

 

Memorial Day Grilling Recipe: All Purpose Steak Marinade and Rub 

Memorial Day Grilling Recipe: All Purpose Steak Marinade and Rub 

This Memorial Day Weekend take your grilling game to the next level with this manly recipe for a steak rub and marinade. 

Have no fear, this marinade and rub is easy and works on all cuts of steak. 

Grilled Steak Marinade:

Ingredients—

3 minced shallots

1 tablespoon soy sauce 

2 tablespoons of fresh lemon juice

1/4 cup olive oil 

2 teaspoons of freshly-chopped basil 

1 tablespoon of hot sauce 

Mix all ingredients together until well blended and pour over meat. Seal in container and place in fridge. For the best flavor allow to marinate for at least 30 minutes. 

Dry Steak Rub:

Ingredients—

1-2 tablespoons of black peppercorn 

1 teaspoon of cloves 

2 tablespoons sesame seeds 

1 teaspoon of cinnamon 

Mix ingredients together until completely blended. Rub on the outside of your steak making sure to cover all sides of meat. 

Follow your grill’s instructions until thoroughly cooked and pair with grilled vegetables of your choice. Bragging is optional! 

Wallethub’s Fattest Cities in America 2018

Wallethub’s Fattest Cities in America 2018

Each year, the online consumer financial company Wallethub weighs in on the state of health in the U.S. Depending on whether you view this list as fat shaming or a shout-out to chubby chasers, it’s still noteworthy to assess the overall health of our nation’s cities. 

But don’t let this list bring you down, around 40% of the United States is considered overweight or obese. 

So, without further ado, here is the list of the fattest cities in America:

1. Little Rock-North Little Rock, Arkansas 

2. Shreveport-Bossier City, Louisiana 

3. McAllen-Edinburg-Mission, Texas 

4. Memphis, Tennesse, Mississippi, Arkansas 

5. Mobile, Alabama 

6. Knoxville, Tennessee 

7. Jackson, Mississippi 

8. Birmingham-Hoover, Alabama 

9. Baton Rouge, Louisiana 

10. Lexington-Fayette, Kentucky 

11. Columbia, South Carolina 

12. Chattanooga, Tennessee/Georgia 

13. Lafayette, Louisiana 

14. Greenville-Anderson-Mauldin, South Carolina 

15. Lousivlle/Jefferson County, Kentucky/Indiana 

16. Nashville-Davidson-Murfreesboro-Frankloin, Tennesse 

17. Canton-Massillon, Ohio 

18. Winston-Salem, North Carolina 

19. Tulsa, Oklahoma 

20. Greensboro-High Point, North Carolina 

To see the rest of the list visit WalletHub.com

5 Last Minute Mother’s Day Gift Ideas that Aren’t Lame and Under $30 

5 Last Minute Mother’s Day Gift Ideas that Aren’t Lame and Under $30 

There is nothing wrong with getting mom flowers but it’s always nice to surprise her with something that it not the equivalent of getting dad a tie for father’s day. 

Here is a list of last-minute gifts that you can order for mom on Amazon Prime but don’t wait too long.

EccoVessel Port Vacuum Insulated Stainless Steel Wine Glass: Toast mom with this triple insulated tumbler perfect to keeping mom’s cocktails or vino cold and her coffee piping hot. Drinking lid is removable and is BPA free and is the perfect sippy cup for adults. And look ma! no condensation thanks to the double wall design. $17.95

Homesick Scented Candles: Take mom on vacation without ever having to leave home. These hand-poured, natural soy wax candles perfectly capture all the scents of major cities and countries across the globe. Let these scents transport her to Brasil, New York City, France, Seattle, Chicago, Canada, Dallas, Denver and more! Candles burn anywhere from 60-80 hours. $29.95

Zen Breeze Essential Oil Diffuser:   If Calgon can’t do the trick (and you wouldn’t want to know if it did) this essential oil diffuser brings the power of aromatherapy and the wood-grain model makes it a stylish addition to any room. Also has a built-in Whisper Quiet ultrasonic coolmist to relieve allergies and dry sinuses. Mom can add her own mixture of essential oils including lavender, lemongrass, rosemary, clementine, peppermint, jasmine, lime or a variety of florals. $29.65

Movie Quotes for All Occasions Paperback Book:  is mom a movie lover and a book worm? This is the gift that keeps on giving and mom will never have to wonder where to insert her favorite movie lines at the right time in conversation. $12.78

Kate Spade New York Women’s Luggage Tag ID Clip: Mom can travel in style and always know which bag is hers at the airport. The multi-color glitter gold clip with the Kate Space iconic logo charm means mom can be fashionable anywhere she goes. $24.00

 

9 of the Most Fascinating Facts About the Penis 

9 of the Most Fascinating Facts About the Penis 

There are many myths, names and legends surrounding male genitalia. Statues have been erected for thousands of years celebrating well, erections. We’ve dug up the most interesting facts about the penis to impress your partner, friends and just on a need-to-know basis. 

Here are 9 of the most fascinating facts about penises:

1. Slang terms for the penis are nothing new. Since the beginning of time men and women alike have come up with some clever names for male genitalia. In 1732 is was sometimes called, Arbor Vitae which is an evergreen tree and in the 1600s Bald-Pate Friar was a common slang term. In case you were wondering, a bald-pate friar is in reference to the haircut of friars—bald on top with hair on the sides. There is no shortage of terms for the penis in the Hebrew language including our favorite, shofka meaning spout—OY! 

2. Currently,  UrbanDictionary.com lists a whopping 169 slang terms for the penis. The top entries and most common terms include: bald-headed yogurt slinger, one-eye trouser snake, schlong, ding-a-ling, boner, mr. happy, shaft, knob, helmet, baby maker, johnson, pecker and of course, dick. 

3. No matter what you call it, the origin of the word penis is Latin and means tail. In fact, phallus is used to describe the shape of the penis rather than the technical word. 

4. Not to burst your bubble, but extra-large condoms are only used or at least needed by 6% of the ENTIRE world’s population, according to condom makers.

5. You can visit a museum dedicated to the penis if you happen to be in Iceland. Icelandic Phallological Museum is open from 10 to 6pm and is located in the city of Reykjavik. It’s the only museum of its kind and features 215 penises from animals but on land and sea. 

5. Believe it or not, ejaculation is a signal sent from a man’s spinal cord and not his brain or any other organ for that matter. Let that sink in for a minute. 

6. Your penis skin contains over 42 kinds of bacteria. This could explain the reasoning behind being “unclean” or uncircumcised. In fact, circumcised men are at less risk for contracting HIV. 

7. There is an actual mental condition where a man believes his penis is disappearing. The mass hysteria is called, Koro also known as penis panic. 

8. Over 600 men end up in the emergency room due to sex toy injuries to the penis the anus or both. Let this be a lesson to you: follow the directions and take it easy on your penis.

9. Sex is actually good for your health and can add years to your life. In fact, men that reportedly have sex on a regular basis have a lower risk of diabetes, stroke, heart disease and could live further into their golden years. 

 

Let’s Talk About Texts: Bad Grammar is a Big Sexual Turn Off 

Let’s Talk About Texts: Bad Grammar is a Big Sexual Turn O

Forgot the typical turn offs on a date such as a hunk of spinach hanging from your teeth, stinky breath or being a bad kisser. 

Turns out, using bad grammar even in a text message or social media post matters more than how bad in bed you are, according to a recent survey released by the Plenty of Fish.

The popular dating website asked over 2,000 singles what would make them swipe left and nearly 60 percent cited crappy grammar and common spelling mistakes. 

The survey’s findings are also in-line with a 2015 survey result released in 2015 by match.com. 

Other startling takeaways from the survey pointed to a lack of reply to a text that had been read as a deal breaker over the three-day rule which is no longer a rule in the dating world. 

If you are single and responding to a text use the winky face emoji, kissing face or heart eyes and skip using the least favorite emoji—the eggplant.

In addition to good grammar and the right emoji, do not advertise your political views in your dating profile. Close to 60% of singles surveyed claimed they wouldn’t even consider dating someone who’s political views differ from their own. 

No matter which way you lean politically, (and don’t kill the messenger) this is especially a turn off if you support or voted for Donald Trump, according to the survey results. 

Basically, if you want to hook-up more, skip the obnoxious bathroom mirror selfies, political talk, brush up on your grammar skills AND no eggplant emojis.

Nice Rack: The Easiest Way to Prepare and Cook a Rack of Lamb

How to Properly Cook Rack of Lamb

One of the most impressive meals you can make for a date or that group of people that enjoy and share food porn is a rack of lamb. 

If you’ve been intimidated by this dish, then we’ve got a recipe that will wow even the most discriminating foodies be it your girlfriend, date or those aforementioned food snobs. 

Easy Recipe for Rack of Lamb:

Ingredients—

1 rack of lamb (typically around 1-2 lbs)

Kosher salt

Fresh cracked pepper 

Fresh bunch of rosemary

Fresh bunch of thyme

Fresh chives 

Mayo 

Stoneground mustard 

Directions–

Pre-heat your oven to 475 degrees F.  On a large baking pan, line with parchment paper and place your rack of lamb on it. Add a dash of your salt and pepper to every surface of your lamb. In a small mixing bowl, mix about a table spoon of mayo, a tablespoon of your stoneground mustard. Freshly chop approximately 1-2 tablespoons of your herbs and mix well with your may/mustard mix. Keep in mind that rosemary is very strong so be careful how much you use. 

Using a spatula, spread your mixture all over your rack of lamb. You are looking for a even coat around the meat. Bake for approximately 10 minutes. Then, drop the temp to around 400 degrees F and bake another 10-12 minutes. Immediately remove from oven and allow to rest for another 10 minutes. Cut and serve on a large platter and garnish with any leftover herbs to impress. 

April is Testicular Cancer Awareness Month: Check Em’

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This week’s blog we are going to go balls deep about your testicular health because April is Testicular Cancer Awareness Month.

Each year, approximately 8,000 men will be diagnosed with testicular cancer which is a relatively low number when compared to other cancers. However, what most guys don’t know is that this form of cancer is most prevalent in guys that are young and between the ages of 15 to 35 years-old.

So, what are your risk factors and what the heck are you supposed to do? Well, for starters, keep an eye on the ball. No seriously. If you notice the following signs or symptoms get your ass  or testicles to a doctor asap. And also feel free to have your partner or girlfriend double check for you.

Warning signs:

  • Swelling in one or both testicles (even if it’s a very subtle change)
  • Heaviness in the scrotum area
  • A painless lump small or big in one or both testicles
  • Groin pain or an aching sensation in the the lower part of your abs or back
  • Unexplained fluid that showed up suddenly in your scrotum
  • Sudden and unexplained pain in your testicles

Risks vary but are higher for guys that were born with a testicle that failed to drop, an HIV infection(always use a rubber), a history of testicular cancer, or plain old genetics.

One last risk factor: most men that are white or Caucasian tend to be diagnosed the most with testicular cancer. 

Now, for the good news. By being aware of your risk, checking your testicles each month for lumps and adding a testicular exam as part of your annual well visit with your doctor means you can catch it early. The earlier you catch it the more curable it is.